standing like john wayne (sacrificedtruth) wrote in tori_ism,
standing like john wayne

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i'm still alive

I didn't expect it to be the best trip. Trips and visits with my dad's family never ended well, yet people never stopped pushing for them. We started driving north and I saw the Exit 75 sign and of course thought of "Hotel", but just placed it in my think bank and enjoyed the ride. I loved the roads.

The trip progressed and it became a series of "Concertina" moments.

["Do you ever feel like you walk in a room, and you don't know why, but you're just so uncomfortable you're crawling out of your skin, even though nobody's touched you, physically? That's in Concertina, when you feel like you haven't excavated enough of your different personalities that when one pops up, you're not sure where it came from, and you try to hack it out of yourself. It shocks you that you could have this kind of fault, or that other people could bring it out in you."
-- Tori; A.P. Magazine, Oct 99]

I remembered the sign. I had to get back to it. It was the only way to make this feeling go away I convinced myself. I repeated the lines:

exit 75
i'm still alive
i'm still alive
i'm still alive

After a few days we were back on the road. South we went and finally I saw the sign again. I was still alive. I wasn't quite home yet, but I was alive.
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